Tag Archives: disappointment

The One with the Emo Prewife

25 Jan

Can I just cry a little?
And maybe whine a little too?

  1. I just found out that the futhubs’ brother, the eldest of the three best men (who are also his brothers), might not be able to make it to the rehearsal+dinner.  And then I found out that because of rules for his med school, he’s not even guaranteed that weekend off.  He and his wife may not make it to the wedding.  It’s totally out of their control and they’re fighting it like mad.  But… whattttt.  Are you kidding me?  Whyyyyy?
  2. My mom sat me down tonight and had a long talk with me about how I need goals in life.  How I never get anything done.  How she doesn’t want my wedding to look… (searching for the word in English)… cheap, I guess is a way of putting it.  Or maybe, ‘low-class.’  (I can handle the first two complaints [been hearing them forever], but bringing my wedding into it?  *breaks pencil in half* She told me that using pinwheels for bouquets makes it look like I’m a cheap college student.  -.-  Grrrr).  I love that she cares more about how the wedding will reflect on her than me being happy.  (I hate that things like that still hurt me). *
  3. I found out that my cousins from Texas may not make it to my wedding.  The youngest in that family is being shipped off to Afghanistan via the Marines and so they’re flying to California next month to see him off, which means they might not be able to afford another trip out here for a spring wedding.  It totally makes sense, and if I were them I’d want to see my brother off as well.  It just makes me sad.  And I know that’s selfish.  I just thought for sure they’d be there.

All these disheartening things, right?  Sigh.  And then I started thinking about all the people I thought would definitely be at my wedding, who are actually gonna be no-shows.  My first roommate from college, whom I love dearly.  She’s in a hardcore firefighter training academy and isn’t allowed a weekend off.  The students that I worked with while I spent 2 years in college ministry.  The team that I took to Japan with me on a summer-long missions trip.  My old college friend, W, who’s in East Asia right now on a 2-yr-long missions leave.  (I totally would’ve set him up with one of my 7 bridesmaids; he’s such a stud; they’re amazing women).  It’s sad to think that they won’t be there to celebrate with me.  It’s heart-breaking to think that there probably will be many more people who won’t be able to make it for whatever reason.

I know that there will be plenty of other people whom I love that will be there to celebrate with us on that special day.  And I know that, whatever my mom thinks or says, our wedding will be beautiful and filled with love.  It’s just hard sometimes to focus on the positive.

…I’m gonna go eat a piece of cake now in a non-eating-my-feelings kind of way.

* Next day edit: I had an epiphany a long time ago, sometime in college I believe, that I’d apparently forgotten.  It’s this: there’s no pleasing my mother.  No matter what I do, there’ll always be something she’s not happy with.  Something that I didn’t include her on.  Something I could’ve done better.  But that doesn’t have to define me.  My mom probably grew up in a household where her mom treated her the same way she treats me.  Here’s to not carrying that with me into the new family the futhubs and I will create.