Tag Archives: wedding planning

The One with the Things That Matter

6 Feb

On Saturday, the futhubs and I went to premarital counseling– which has been grand, btw.  Lots of vulnerability, often a lot of tears, and even discomfort when it comes to ‘digging down deep.’  It’s good stuff.  Real talk.  And incredibly humbling.  It’s not super easy to go in and lay all your problems on the table.  This is how we’ve been interacting.  This is what we’ve been fighting about lately.  This is what I said.  This is how I reacted (instead of responded).

I’m super thankful that our premarital counselors are such gracious people who also keep it real.  They’re really honest about the problems they’ve had (and still sometimes have) in their marriage and, in their honesty, remind the futhubs and I that we’re not crazy.  That we’re just as broken as anyone else.  That understanding requires compassion.  That love is a choice and it is healing.

Anyhow, after sharing with our counselors about how stressed we’ve both been, they asked us both to do this exercise.  “Close your eyes and imagine that the wedding planning is all done.  It’s the day after your wedding and you’re reflecting back on this whole wedding planning process.  What are the things that were really important?  In other words, in the whole scheme of things, what is important to you right now?  What do you value?”

This is what we said.  (Our counselor jotted these down).

Wedding Planning Values

Notice that neither one of us wrote a thing about napkin colors.  Or flowers.  Neither one of us wrote about trying to please our parents.  There was no mention of decorations, the guestbook, or attendant gifts.  Or ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE WEDDING ITSELF.  In fact, every single thing we said was a relational value.  We value our relationship as a couple and as a soon-to-be family.  We each value our relationship with the Lord and we want Him to be a part of this whole process.

These are the things that matter to me, to him, and to us.  Real life is right now.  And this is what’s important.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

In the wedding planning process, what are the main values that you’re holding onto?  (Or that you held onto?  Or that you wish you held onto?)

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The One with the Blubbering

31 Jan

What else are you stressed out about?” asked the futhubs gently, as he stroked my hair.

Handmade Wedding Invitation

DIY Invite - Image via Wikipedia

All the things,” I whispered.  And then it came pouring out like Pandora’s box of wedding craziness.  Wedding decorations.  Favors.  Figuring out flowers.  All the inserts to go with our wedding invitations.  Wedding invitations!  Wording them.  Setting a deadline for one of our groomsmen to design it.  Getting them printed in time.  Inviting people over for an assembly line.  Getting them sent out.  Having time to send out multiple rounds of invitations.  Where to stay the night before the wedding.  Where to put the out-of-towner bridesmaids.  Not knowing how to ‘DIY’ anything at all.  Wanting our wedding to be pretty without pinching our wallets more than we already have.

“And it’s so stupid because I look at all these wedding blogs and see all these themed weddings –  and I’d love for our wedding invitations to have a cohesive theme that carries through the ceremony and the reception – but I don’t know how to do it.  And I’m frustrated at myself because I know that that’s not important and who CARES if our wedding is themed and ‘blog-worthy.’  But I just want it to feel pretty.”  (Ah, yes.  That would be me waving the crazy-bride flag.  Nice and high now.  Also, I started off sputtering and totally ended up blubbering).

The futhubs murmurred something akin to, “My poor girl!”  And he took me in his arms.  He kissed my face and whispered in my ear:

“The theme for our wedding is us.  I love you.  And I would marry you in any kind of wedding.  Pinwheel-themed, gothic, Halloween, whatever…  I’m just so excited to marry you.

The rest of that stuff, you don’t have to worry so much about.  You can worry or you can pray about it– you don’t have to do both.  Our God is a God who provides.  It’ll all work out.  I promise.

…more blubbering on my part.  Gah!  He’s right.  And he’s so frigging patient with me.  haha.  I’m grateful to be with someone who’ll hold me when I’m overwhelmed, listen kindly, lift my chin, and give me honest, loving truth.  I love this man.

The One with the Giddy Futhubs

25 Jan

I’ve never seen him so giddy.

But let’s take it back a step.  Last week a package came in the mail from Amazon: the wedding band for my betrothed.  (I love the word ‘betrothed.’  It just sounds so romantic.  Also, who knew Amazon sold wedding bands?  : ) Anyhow, I was debating whether or not to hold off on showing him the ring until our wedding day.  But then I couldn’t wait.  It had come in the mail and it was bright and gleaming and in a cushy box and– ahh!  How could I not?

The Futhubs' Ring

So as the futhubs was serenading me on the guitar with the song we’d chosen for our processional (eeeee : ) I got down on one knee and asked him to marry me.  He stopped short, whipped off his guitar, and I slid the ring onto his finger.  “Wow.  This is perfect!” he said.  He took me up in his arms and whispered, “We’re getting married!”

Hours later he was still fiddling with the ring– repeatedly taking it off and putting it back on to admire the fit (on his right hand though, since he wants to wait til our wedding day to wear it on the left).  Days later my futhubs was still playing show-and-tell with everyone we saw telling them about his new wedding band.  At church this past Sunday, I caught him sliding it around on his finger as our pastor gave his sermon.  It’s adorable how much he loves this ring.  And I love that he doesn’t care whether or not a guy is ‘supposed’ to get this excited about his wedding band– I love that he just is.

And I’m so glad that we both can enjoy different elements of this wedding planning process.  And that we’re both stoked about wearing rings that symbolize our love and commitment to one another.

Plus, they’re shiny.  And nice to look at.  : )

P.S. The futhubs’ ring was beautifully made, a perfect fit, exactly what he wanted, AND under $20.  Boo-frickin-yah.  Eat that, wedding industry.

The One with the Emo Prewife

25 Jan

Can I just cry a little?
And maybe whine a little too?

  1. I just found out that the futhubs’ brother, the eldest of the three best men (who are also his brothers), might not be able to make it to the rehearsal+dinner.  And then I found out that because of rules for his med school, he’s not even guaranteed that weekend off.  He and his wife may not make it to the wedding.  It’s totally out of their control and they’re fighting it like mad.  But… whattttt.  Are you kidding me?  Whyyyyy?
  2. My mom sat me down tonight and had a long talk with me about how I need goals in life.  How I never get anything done.  How she doesn’t want my wedding to look… (searching for the word in English)… cheap, I guess is a way of putting it.  Or maybe, ‘low-class.’  (I can handle the first two complaints [been hearing them forever], but bringing my wedding into it?  *breaks pencil in half* She told me that using pinwheels for bouquets makes it look like I’m a cheap college student.  -.-  Grrrr).  I love that she cares more about how the wedding will reflect on her than me being happy.  (I hate that things like that still hurt me). *
  3. I found out that my cousins from Texas may not make it to my wedding.  The youngest in that family is being shipped off to Afghanistan via the Marines and so they’re flying to California next month to see him off, which means they might not be able to afford another trip out here for a spring wedding.  It totally makes sense, and if I were them I’d want to see my brother off as well.  It just makes me sad.  And I know that’s selfish.  I just thought for sure they’d be there.

All these disheartening things, right?  Sigh.  And then I started thinking about all the people I thought would definitely be at my wedding, who are actually gonna be no-shows.  My first roommate from college, whom I love dearly.  She’s in a hardcore firefighter training academy and isn’t allowed a weekend off.  The students that I worked with while I spent 2 years in college ministry.  The team that I took to Japan with me on a summer-long missions trip.  My old college friend, W, who’s in East Asia right now on a 2-yr-long missions leave.  (I totally would’ve set him up with one of my 7 bridesmaids; he’s such a stud; they’re amazing women).  It’s sad to think that they won’t be there to celebrate with me.  It’s heart-breaking to think that there probably will be many more people who won’t be able to make it for whatever reason.

I know that there will be plenty of other people whom I love that will be there to celebrate with us on that special day.  And I know that, whatever my mom thinks or says, our wedding will be beautiful and filled with love.  It’s just hard sometimes to focus on the positive.

…I’m gonna go eat a piece of cake now in a non-eating-my-feelings kind of way.

* Next day edit: I had an epiphany a long time ago, sometime in college I believe, that I’d apparently forgotten.  It’s this: there’s no pleasing my mother.  No matter what I do, there’ll always be something she’s not happy with.  Something that I didn’t include her on.  Something I could’ve done better.  But that doesn’t have to define me.  My mom probably grew up in a household where her mom treated her the same way she treats me.  Here’s to not carrying that with me into the new family the futhubs and I will create.

The One with the Cocktail Hour Music Rant

24 Jan

Eff cocktail hour!” is what I found myself blaring at my amused futhubs as I pounded the Starbucks table with my fist.  I only swear when I’m absolutely livid (or in the depths of despair), so ‘eff’ seemed to suffice for this particular interjection.  Plus it sounds funny to me, so I can guarantee myself a smile at my own ridiculousness whenever I say it, which I just need sometimes.  But I digress…

Let’s rewind a little.  Tonight the futhubs and I interviewed a third DJ just for good measure.  And because– being a girl who always packs 15 different outfits for a week-long trip just in case— I enjoy variety and the option to choose.  He was a really nice guy and I really liked him.  The futhubs said so too.  Then again he’s said that about every other DJ we’ve met too.  (I think a part of it is because he’s quicker to see the best in people while I jump to categorizing all their flaws in my head.  I’m an awful person sometimes).  I found the first DJ to be reassuring albeit rather cocky and the second, unprofessional and dispassionate about his job.  (Impassionate?  Non-passionate?  Are any of these words?  I could totally google the answer to this right now, but I’m not going to!  Lalala, also #englishmajorfail).

Anyhow, something I really appreciated about DJ #3 is that he was eager to work around our budget– which, btw, we calculated correctly and held to for the first time.  (Sigh.  Harsh lesson: learned.  More on that in another post).  He even suggested super helpful things like cutting out music for the cocktail hour and asking our tech-savvy friends to run sound for the ceremony instead of hiring him to do it, since both of those things would put us over our budget.  I love that he was eager to help without being pushy.  Also, it helps that our friends used him for their wedding so there’s already a level of trust there.  Anyway, blahblahblah– it was a good meeting.

The futhubs and I stayed put after he left to discuss how we felt about it.  I heard myself saying things like, “I liked him, but we wouldn’t be able to have music for the cocktail hour with him.  If we went with DJ #2 we could totally afford it.”  And then my brilliant fiance pointed out: “Yknow, I can’t even remember a wedding where they had music during cocktail hour.”  I heard a pane of glass just shatter in my brain.  He’s so right!  I’ve been to plenty of weddings (I think we went to 8 in the past year alone) and even if they had mood music playing during cocktail hour, I’ve never ever noticed.  And I can totally remember weddings that I know for sure didn’t have music, but I was just as happy gabbing away with old friends and downing stuffed mushrooms.

Appetizers we've attacked sans music-- they taste just as delightful! Trust.

And the thing is, I’d never even thought about having music during cocktail hour.  The thought had never occurred to me (read: it wasn’t at all important to me).  Until, that is, we started interviewing DJs and they started sliding all these price quotes across the table and wooing me with coffee to make me think that I needed it.  And badly.  But the truth is, people come to your wedding to celebrate with you– to rejoice at the fact that you’ve found love and you intend to spend the rest of your life loving someone else unconditionally (and apologizing when that fails at times).  They don’t come for cocktail hour music!  And they’re not gonna miss it!  At all!  There are so many things that people won’t care about but the wedding industry tricks us all into thinking that they’re important (or maybe just me because I’m impressionable and trusting!  Gah!).  Ahhh, ridiculous!

And so I say again: eff cocktail hour!  Eff cocktail hour expectations and eff obligatory wedding things that you’re ‘supposed to do!’  Huzzah!  I’m free!  I’m going to bed.